40. Can We Talk?

So I got an amazing opportunity to have an energizing conversation with the folks at Hoosier Young Farmers Coalition in a podcast interview (that has yet to be released) and I have to say, I’m nervous as all get-out for it to drop. First of all, it’s one thing to spout off about small-scale farming in a blog no one reads, but quite another for beliefs to be broadcast out into the world. Second, no matter how much I do something or how confident I seem when I run my mouth about it, I will always feel like I don’t know enough or do enough. There are so many others who should be spotlighted for their work, people really making a difference, experts who can point to the exact science of their process, and those whose impact can be measured. Ugh! Now, people might look me up or come to this website, and what will they see? Just a person on a small piece of land, feeding some people, chasing chickens and geese around, playing with cats, planting trees and berries in a field where corn and soy should be, and throwing a lot of poo around.

I am, to put it bluntly, scared to be in the spotlight. And not to get all political (but everything is): here I am, another white lady with lots of education getting “back to the land”, doing something subsistence farmers have been doing for hundreds of years, and I’m privileged to be able to afford the land, have access to the loans and the credit available because of my status, am not harassed or made to feel unwelcome because I look like every other person around here, have not been systemically denied access to those basic, American “…life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” goals, and I’m getting positive attention for it. Hmmmm…and now I feel like a jerk for not being thankful enough, since how often am I going to get a larger public platform to talk about something as important as the future of the planet and the way people get their food, and how the health of the soil is imperative to our ability to continue to survive? I have a lot of feelings.

To top off those feelings, I also got some weird news about my health: since working for the corporate robot overlords at Amazon, I started to have some weird physical symptoms—acute back pain, super-sore hip flexors, loss of mobility in my neck, encroaching numbness and tingling in my toes and parts of my feet, and intermittent tunnel-vision in my right eye. I thought it was a back issue, and went to physical therapy. The PT suggested I see a doc and chiropractor. I went to the doc who suggested I lose weight (I’ve already lost fifty pounds since starting this farm, and yes, I still need to lose another forty or so, but still, hearing it smarts—I know that I’m fat, okay?) and get X-rays on my back. The X-rays turned up nothing. I went to a chiropractor who suggested I see a neurologist. I went to a podiatrist at a sports medicine facility for my feet, who said it was my back and ordered more X-rays. These new X-rays reported that I had very mild scoliosis, most likely the cause of my back pain since I am being really active and that activity is causing the pain; they suggested an MRI. Then, I saw the neurologist who gave me a quick neuro-evaluation and also recommended an MRI, so I went to get that completed.

Three MRIs later, the consensus is that my back is totally fine (uh, what?), but that, SURPRISE!, I have a tumor in my head. Now, it’s not a brain tumor—whew, right?—but a growth in my eye socket that is pressing on my optic nerve, causing the visual disturbances. The ophthalmologist thinks that it is a cavernous hemangioma [also known as an orbital cavernous venous malformation, this growth is a benign, slow-growing, non-infiltrative, vascular neoplasm] but won’t know for sure until he cuts it out, which (please don’t Google that procedure, it is the stuff of horror movies) is scheduled for January and will include a recuperation of a couple of weeks. That means no bending, no lifting, no actual living the life of a pi-pedal being, and some pretty sick bloody and black eyes. I am looking forward to looking gruesome, so at least there’s that.

In cooler news, I got the opportunity to host a couple of apprentices that are learning about pastured-raised hogs, chickens, turkeys, and sheep from our friends at Nightfall Farm, for an afternoon lunch-n-learn where we toured my farm, planted trees, and ate tacos. Not too shabby. Plus, Austin and Maria were an absolute hoot: I couldn’t have asked for better farm help—they were capable, smart, funny, totally entertaining, and I think everyone had a good time. I am so excited for what success they have in their future farming endeavors.

We planted a bunch of trees in the orchard—apple, cherry, almond, persimmon, elderberry—and I moved the berry patch around to give the blueberries more space.

As the weather has grown colder, I’m pleased that the garden continues to flourish. Under row cover, I have a gourmet mesclun mix, lettuces, turnips, radishes, carrots, pac choy, broccoli, arugula, spinach, and cabbage.

And last, but certainly not least, our bathroom renovation is complete. The Hubs took a very small space crammed with a full-sized fiberglass tub and shower, and transformed it into a sleek and modern walk-in shower. I am so impressed, not only with his hard work and craftsmanship, but also with the design choices he made. Now the space is functional, balanced, bright, and feels so much bigger, which is a feat, considering our only bathroom space is a mere 8 feet by 5 feet. My chicken coop is bigger than that!

Holy amazing, Batman!

Just as a reminder of what he was working with, in an effort to fix a leaky shower head, he ripped out a wall to find a bunch of problems, which spurred the decision to renovate the entire space. He ripped out the shower and tub, the walls, ceiling, sink, and toilet, and replaced EVERYTHING.

So clearly, we’ve been busy. The kitchen is already next, with refinishing of the cabinets, choosing a backsplash, and updating the flooring. We’ve already replaced the countertops, updating from a laminate to butcher block, and replaced the oven/stovetop and exhaust fan above. More updates forthcoming as they emerge. Duh.